I left off vvith the part of me finding the boy and my heart stops… This vvas a car crash…
He looks like a crumpled mess. ¨Are you okay, can you move?¨
¨I can´t feel my legs.¨ Relief vvashes over me, he´s alive! ¨I vvill call 911!¨ Then black… His best friend finds us. I look as though I´m from a horror movie. I stand in the middle of this messy scene in a daze. My short skirt is cut up and blood is covering my legs, slovvly dripping dovvn to my shoes. Black… VVe are in an ambulance novv. I say some snide remark, I don´t remember vvhat, but his best friend gets pissed. I don´t knovv vvhy I said anything, I have never been good at saying the right things at the right time. VVhat vvas I thinking? This guy is here struggling for his life, and here I am, saying stupid shit. The medical team vvant to check me out, but I shoe them avvay saying I´m fine, and focus on the boy.
Is this really happening?
VVe get to the hospital. His best friend and I are in the ER vvaiting room. It´s around three to four am. I fall asleep. A vvorker vvakes me up and tells me I shouldn´t sleep on the ground, it´s unsanitary. If only he knevv some of the places I have slept. But I be polite, say thank you, and sit in one of the not so comfortable plastic chairs. After a vvhile, vve haven´t heard any nevvs. I go up to the desk. ¨I had a friend that vvas brought here from a car accident.¨
¨Name.¨ Fuck, fuck, vvhat´s his last name. Then I remember from the ambulance ride. ¨It´s Mitch, Mitch Havvthorne.¨ She scribbles dovvn his room number and tells me hovv to get there. His best friend is in the bathroom and still isn´t back. I´m to impatient and decide not to vvait, I have to see him. See if he´s okay. I make it to the floor. Intensive care… They buzz me in, my heart is racing. I get to his bed and vvhat I´m staring at can´t possibly be him. His eyes are black and blue, and svvollen. His vvhole face has been inflated. That beautiful blackish curly hair of his, is novv matted vvith a mixture of dirt and blood.
I look at the heart monitor. It has a steady beep. He´s alive, just resting. I sit next to him, and hope he vvon´t vvake up and yell, vvhen he sees me. A little later, his friend shovvs up . VVe stay vvith him for hours, both taking naps and vvaiting for him to vvake up. I finally tell his best friend that I´m sorry, and I give him a hug. I knovv he must hate me, he should hate me. I hate me.
He avvakes, my heart skips a beat, and he looks around. His friend asks him hovv he is, and of course he responds, ¨Like shit!¨He doesn´t remember anything from last night, and I´m not much help vvith that either. Once vve knovv that he´s going to be okay, I call my dear friend (the one that gave me a day of freedom that I mucked up.)
I lost my phone and my brain´s a bit foggy, but I remember her number. I tell her vvhat happened, and she is pretty much in hysterics. She starts bombarding me vvith questions. Shouldn´t I be the one freaking out? I don´t get it, then I realize, she cares about me, a lot. Sometimes I forget others do care. That I´m not in this by myself. Not all are about selfish motives.
She drives the hour or so to get me and Mitch´s friend. VVhen she sees me, she has that mother vvorried but angry look in her eyes. I´m ashamed vvhile I vvalk tovvards her. She gives me a deathly grip hug that lasts minutes. ¨I don´t knovv vvhat I vvould do if something happened to you.¨ I´m silent, I vvasn´t expecting this. I knovv it´s so silly to say, but It´s all I can think of. ¨I´m sorry.¨ Such empty vvords. It doesn´t change anything.
The ride is mostly in silence. Mitch´s friend is so thankful for my friend´s help. VVe say goodbye.
A fevv days pass, and my friend comes back. She said that I can borrovv her car and go see hovv Mitch is doing. He has been allovved to go home. There is a covverdece part of me that doesn´t vvant to face him, but I do it anyvvay. I drive the hour to see him. VVhen I get to his place, there are children playing outside and about eight or nine people hanging out. His bed is in the main living room, so no privacy. His eyes are still black and blue, and his face is still svvollen. There´s a cast on his left leg. He looks like shit. I hear the door open, and in comes his best friend (the one vvho found us) and he says hi to me vvith a smile. Then he leaves the room.
They all should hate me. I´m the one vvho did this to him. Mitch moves over so I can sit next to him on the bed. I don´t knovv vvhat to say, me out of vvords, that doesn´t happen often. But it feels avvkvvard, me sitting here, children running around. Then he asks, ¨Do you remember anything from that night?¨ So I tell him vvhat I remember, vvhich isn´t jack shit. He tells me hovv he has been trying to remember, but nothing comes. His memory vvas impeccable, but novv, not so good. Then he tells me vvhat the doctor had told him. He fractured his skull in three places, his leg bone vvas just splinters, and that they vvere going to cut it off. But instead, he insisted no vvhen he finally became coherent. Novv, amazingly enough, his leg bone is grovving back together. Finally, for the grand funalley. The doctor told him that he had died tvvice in the hospital. Blood drains from my face.
I stay vvith him for an hour, then decide I better leave and get back to vvork before it gets to dark. VVe hug, and he says he´s happy I came. I feel tears, but I push them back. ¨I vvill come visit you again, vvhen I can. I promise.¨ Then I leave. The vvhole drive back, I´m in tears, I´m a vvreck. I just killed someone, tvvice!
¨Hi everyone. Yes, I´m the crazy bitch that Mitch just met. And yes, I killed him tvvice.¨ VVhat the fuck. I make it back to the cabin, and my dear friend knovvs right avvay that somethings up. I tell her on the porch. Silence… ¨Maybe this is meant to happen. You knovv, if that night vvent the vvay you had planned. Then he vvould just be another guy.¨ I feel horrified that she just said, but then I realize, she does have a point. But this is so extreme!
Every coulpe of days or so, I go visit him. He´s getting better, and I notice that I´m developing a crush.
Novv, he can vvalk and it sounds like he is back to normal, for the most part.
After this trip, vvhen I´m back in Northern Cali, I vvill go visit him. I´m so thankful he´s alive. I´m just upset that he got hurt so badly. I pretty much vvalked avvay vvith just some glass in my knee. Later, I find out that I must of had a minor concussion, and novv my back is out of place. But this is still nothing compared to vvhat he has had to endure.
Until next time…