Stuck in a black hole, never knowing which way is up, is not a good feeling.
There are days in which I feel like this. As if the mountains are crashing down upon me. Suffocating me, taking my essence.
Since my accident in April ( 11 months ago), I have had an extremely difficult time coping with my broken body and mind. At the beginning, I was in a coma for four days, and had to undergo many mental tests. Finally I got out of the dreaded hospital. But once I had my freedom,I found out my body was useless. I couldn’t pick up anything heavy or use my muscles to their normal use. Pulling weeds for an hours put me out for the rest of the day. Even sex hurt, it left me in pain and frustration.
If I was out for a whole day, I would grumble to myself and try writing to ease my annoyance with my incapable self. But of course, writing even paid a toll on this wretched body of mine. I was all sorts of messed up!
But I never gave up, and now I have progressed dramatically. There will be good days and still some bad days. But I keep pushing myself, in a good way.
I have conformed to having a routine. Shocking I know, me sticking with day after day same thing. Something I have avoided for so long. It has helped beyond belief. I have been going to a gym, working on those lost muscles by replacing them. My back pain has been dwindling away, more so everyday. Self esteem has been kicking in!
You can do it!
Having a supportive husband and a girlfriend that goes to the gym with me, makes it so I can do anything! Never giving up!
My personal trainer had told me,
“When curve balls are given, dealing with it and not letting it win, is what makes you stronger.”
I remember when I got that phone call a couple of months after my accident. It was the police man who had found me in the wreckage.
I can’t believe you’re alive. That was the most blood I have ever seen out of a human before!
Wow, how comforting. But you know, it has made me realize, I have come a long way.