Need Help With Enduring Pain

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The accident Endured

So here I am, between a rock and a hard place. I have to figure out how I am going to pay all my medical bills off. The cost is $180,000.00. I was in a bad 7 car pile up. I was on my way to California from South Dakota. I made it as far as Rock Springs, Wyoming, before this wreck happened. Since three years has passed, I have made it far. I can do many things at the beginning of healing, I could not. This took about a year of physical training and being stubborn. I kept pushing myself everyday to get better. Even when doctors told me I would be like this for the rest of my life. I still made myself keep trying. Everyday is still difficult to get up because the pain does not take a break. I still push myself. But if you can see in your heart that you can help, just press the link above, or share with friends and family. I am not sure that the money given from the accident will cover all of my hospital bills. That is why I have created this. Plus, it seems more likely that I will always have these back, neck, and head pains the rest of my life.

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I understand if you can’t donate, I know right now, it would be difficult for me, but please at least share. Thank you very much!

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The Beauty Dims

 

The mystical lake glints with beauty. It is breathtaking! The feeling of peace washes over me. But my thoughts wander to this place when it is tourist season. So many people bustling around, taking away the beauty with the loudness, traffic, and energy. Many rush to and fro. The one main street is covered in vehicles. Many of the nature still surrounds this town in South Lake Tahoe, but even there, the sounds of cars destroys the peace of wilderness.

Before this place turned into a money maker, it was sacred to the Native Americans. Now wildlife is being overtaken by people and buildings. This land still holds its glimmer though, and hopefully it will for a long time.

We reached and path away from many people. Down the steep side of a hill we went. Once we made it to the rocky area, the lake water crashed against the rocks, showing its strength. The view left me breathless. No cars could be heard down here, only the whipping of the water hitting stones. This is what I like, being away from the busy town.

Nowadays, so many don’t even know how to enjoy the little things in life. Take away your eyes from your phone and enjoy the outside world! Look up and see the stars!

Even with finding some hidden paths, this is still too busy for me. It takes away nature’s tranquility. But Tomorrow a new path will be reached.

The Traveling Sorrows

5/16/17

My patience are becoming limited. This time, a part leaves an empty hole in my heart filling with an ache of pain. Sorrow rampages inside trying to claw its way out. But I cannot give in. I have to enjoy my time back here. My friends and family are ecstatic about my arrival. Seems it is time for a road trip. Soon the journey will begin.

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But right now, I must say goodbye to this small town in California that I once called home. It has been nice savoring the high mountains covered with life.Trees are in every direction you look. A nice cool breeze whips through, leaving a bit of a chill in its place. But it is great when working outside. Almost everyday has been filled with work, which I’m happy for!
Hard work, that’s what I like. Bring on more!

But soon this will be just another memory and the book of life will carry on to another chapter.

Hayfork, California

Friends that I have found in this special town have left me with quirky memories that will never be forgotten, even with my memory loss! These I want to hold onto. Until the end calls upon my door. I’m not going down with out a fight!

The bug of Travel

Another day in the Pines. Good Ole Hayfork, California. Where the sun shines brightly, almost unbearably so. The past few days the sun has been pounding down on me. But it only becomes a nuisance in the heat of the day. 


This town hasn’t changed much since the last time I was here. Many locals have warm and welcoming arms when I came into town. It makes me miss my days of living out here in the mountains. This small town was like the wild west. But nowadays, I stop just to visit. My body soon will begin to feel the itch to travel again. Soon I will travel other places in America before my journey goes back to my new home, Sweden.

The land of fairy tales and mystery. My backyard there is a forest that feels as though it is from a magical book. The time will soon come when I go back to that wonderful land.

Live to the Fullest!

Life keeps plunging forward as if it was a never ending tide crashing on the beach. The moon lights up the beach, making the waves glint with secrets and mystery. 
Many pass everyday, never knowing how beautiful each day holds. A simple breeze can be delicate, the clouds can hold joy. But yet people go on with their own lives,never taking the chance to enjoy what surrounds them. 


Some wonder why their life is so Boring. All they need to do is open their blinded eyes and see the World in a different light.


The Battle up Yosemite Trail

We are surrounded by steep steps that keep climbing higher and higher. Before the hike began, we discussed in only doing the lower Yosemite fall trail.

Once the hike started, I was doing fine. But the more we climbed, the more a pounding began in my head. Trying to keep up with Clyde (my dog) and my husband was turning into a bad idea. All I could feel was the thumping in my head. I had to stop.

My husband gazes back at me, “Go on, I’m going to have to take some time.” I say to him. He finally reluctantly leaves me behind. I would get there on my own time.

Time had passed, so I began once again. But soon, I had to rest again, and again. My body could do it, but my head, my head was not having it! Every time I stopped, it was because the pain was roaring inside my brain.

It has been almost three years since I have even been able to do this much with hiking.

I was in a 7 car pile up back then. I am lucky to be able to walk at all. wpid-resizedimage951398972055556.jpgThe pain now is nothing compared to the pain I had back then. But I’m still nothing like how I used to be. Physiologically, this puts a toll on you over time. Especially when you have been trying to get better, even when it has gotten tough. But Never Give Up!

 

A few times I almost gave up, but I reassured myself that I could do it. I began a chant inside my head, ‘slow and steady wins the race.’

The trail was frequented often. Many people were going up and down in herds, but it dwindled down the higher I got. Keeping up with some of the groups helped my morale. ‘I am not totally broken! Look I’m at their speed!’

Finally, an opening emerges. I have made it to the lower falls! It was breathtaking! The waterfalls tumbles down, giving off a cold mist. Trees were on the opposite side of the dsc_0148panoramic view. I take in a deep breath. The air feels nice here, calm. But I realize, no man of mine, or dog. I must push on, to the end. After I rested a bit, I began the rocky trail to the top of the falls. After a while of trudging upward, every step was beginning to make a booming pound in my entire head. It felt as though it was growing from the inside with every thrum of pain.

When it was needed, and I could bare it no longer, I rested. And started the journey all over from where ever I stopped. Some of the people I passed helped me stay optimistic, “You’re about halfway!”

“Take your time, it will still be there for you to see!”

This trip was beginning to feel like an eternity! Finally, I was about 20-30 minutes from the top. I stopped to take a rest. As I was working on catching my breath, I caught a glimpse of my hubby in his green jacket with Clyde at his side walking towards me. My body was filled with relief and happiness. I have made it to my prize! Although, I was suppose to make it to them. He had come back down to see if I needed help. Being so close to the top, I couldn’t stop now.So I kept pushing. We went to the top together this time. The upper falls was spectacular! It was like being in a place untouched by man. In the distance, you could see trees spread out on mountains.

This rough terrain trail was 9 ½ miles to the top and back to the bottom.

We did it!

The Forgotten Memory

The wretched truth keeps finding its way out. Escaping from its long forgotten box of solitude. First, a howl is heard. It echoes in the room. The sound is like a fowl stench etched in the air. I feel a dark pit begin to start in my stomach. The memories tumble back into my brain. They were forgotten for a reason! Now, they are back, permanently imbedded in my mind. The atmosphere has grown darker, now I have to deal with this never leaving dreadful past.
I must shrug it off, forgive myself, and move on. It is just another thing that has helped me become who I am today. Don’t stop fighting, stay true to yourself!

Forcing Ideas into Your Head

My world has been turned upside down. I’m at a loss for words. This feeling of confusion grabs a hold of my body. My vision beomes cloudy and now I’m standing in darkness. Nothing can be seen, it feels like hours, then I hear his voice calling out my name. His voice begins to hold panic. I start to run towards his sound. Urgency holds in his tone and gets louder as I get closer. I find a door and swing it open.

Immediately, I’m blinded by the light. I wake up coughing up something gooey and black. It quickly runs away. My vision clears and I’m on the floor with my husband hovering over me. His eyes are swollen with tears, and he grabs me for a hug. A sigh of relief escapes his lips. My memory is still foggy, what had happened?

I shake my head, trying to clear the mist of lost pieces. Then at that moment some of the memory floods back into my brain. I gasp as images play once again in my head. I remember seeing a black liquid thing form out of a big puddle in front of my eyes and trudges towards me. For some reason my body couldn’t move. It grabbed my face and opened my mouth. I was frozen with fear. It breathed some black thing inside of me. My eyes turned completely black for a second, and then went back to normal. The stiffness I felt, slowly left, and the monster thing treaded itself back to the puddle.

Snipets of images come across my mind. A little girl with black curls turning into gold curls. For a brief moment I see dead trees near a graveyard. Another image of the moon’s light shining down on the emptiness of a grassy field.

These pieces don’t add up. What does this mean?

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Twitterpated

My heart doesn’t miss a beat, but it still aches. A different kind of ache. I long to be held by that love of mine. His warm breath on my neck brings chills to my body. My heart and loins start to react just from the thought of him. How long am I to wait? My body is beginning to go crazy.

Being apart has been good and bad. We have found our independence once again. But I also realize once again, that he is special to me. My thoughts throughout the days always ends up back at his door step. Wondering what he would do in this position or how he would react. 

Happiness spurts out when I see he is calling. Just hearing his voice helps ease the pain of being apart. 

I must be madly twitterpated with this one of a kind guy. 

Ours worked a bit differently though. It wasn’t at first sight but over time it grew. Slowly our walls began tumbling down. We both realized it, and once I knew this was love I had for him. I almost ran with fright. To have your guard down with someone, and not even flinching on the idea that now you’re vulnerable. That is scary!

Hidden Behind Closed Doors…

The surgery didn’t even faze me. Maybe because I have cleaned turkeys and chickens. Half of the ear had to go, it could be tumorous. So much knowledge just from that one surgery. Now what is in store for me? This was my interview to the surgical side of the veterinarian office. Learning something new is intriguing! It makes me feel like a giddy girl!

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After standing for a half an hour, the sharp pain began. My lower back started to throb. But once the surgery was completed, my pain dissappated. Sporadic pains still occur, even though it has been two years. One day, this will all be a memory and nothing more.

The true colors have been shown from the Doctor. I now know, I can’t be around here any longer. I only lasted for about a month, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I stuck through this any longer. His short temper needs to be on a leash. The way he treats his workers is appaling. As the weeks progressed, I seen him make a new girl cry, make the atmosphere unbreathable with hostility in his voice. He wants everyone to stay calm in a stressful situation, but here he is doing the complete opposite.

No more standing back for me. I can’t take it, it goes against my own morals. Life is worth living, a job is worth enjoying. I just have to walk away. At least I gained some knowledge of the surgeries and medicine. Things I could possibly use in my future.