Slithered in Evil

Written in 2008


At the beginning I had a feeling the outside would be bad. But I kept riding on this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy maybe a little troublemaker, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 
Then everything went black. My life suddenly spun out of  my hands into his. 


An Evil grin spread upon his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Tears streamed down from my eyes, leaving salty trails behind. ‘I must be a Whore!’ He says I am.

For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for how I am. So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys, because in my heart I knew those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. If he knew I had talked to boys, his body would soon radiate with how furious he was. My feelings would cower inside of me, waiting for his body to connect with my own. But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride. 

Fights began happening daily and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. He tried to control me even more, trying to use drugs as my achille’s heel. But he soon found out, ‘ I’M NOT A DRUGGIE!’ I can say NO! So he began forcing me to eat pills and hits of acid. 

A otherworldy feeling took over my body. I could look at my own self, and I looked broken. My independent self was lost, no where to be seen. 

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language never heard of. My body responded and let this human-like demon have a firm grip on me. 

Slowly, my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts. I was just being a good person, letting someone close that needed help. Always seeing the good in people instead of what was really happening. For being a Caring person, I get stomped on and thrown in the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. My own heart was ripped out of my chest, then crushed. Right before my tear filled eyes. 

It’s his fault I had to leave a place that I had finally felt accepted. His own selfish intensions left me penniless, used, and broken hearted. But now I know, not to be so caring. I am stronger now! He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now, I think I can take on the World. I am ready to step out of my hole once again.

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Hidden Tranquility

The smell of honey and tea wafted into my nostrils, before I even walked into the front door. A gypsy framed on the wall captired my eyes. Her sky blue eyes held a secret as she danced in the clouds. Underneath her, pyramids stood tall, some hidden in shadows. My feet moved inside the gypsy house without my knowledge. Only a few people relaxed inside this place of freedom. Chairs and couches were sprawled everywhere. A melody enchanted me, making my body want to sway. Next to me stood a long glass tube connected to a translucent glass bowl. It intrigued me, a hooka in a coffee shop, what a rarity. 


My eyes searched the room, taking in the opaque curtains that lightly covered lamps. Everything gave the room a feeling of peace and relaxation. A woman behind the counter held my gaze. She wore a black cloth over her hair. As she walked away, her walk seemed to have a sway to it. She fit in perfectly here.  The clock felt it stopped moving as I stayed here. 

Smells of sage and lavender danced in the air. Playing with my body and bringing it to a far away land. Pictures were sprawled everywhere on the walls. Many of naked women outstretched, striking a pose for the painter. Even the bathroom gave off the feeling of tranquility. Everything felt right here. No one had to bother with time. This place is about joy and happiness.

I will nerver forget this hideaway in Denver, Colorado.

New journey Begins…

Written 10/16/15

        And a new adventure has begun. The ceiling is covered in colors and hand painted designs. I had been here before. A tea house made in Tajikistan, broken down, and rebuilt here in Boulder, Colorado.

The people here have a friendlier feel compared to cities. Although, money is present here. Much of the things here are nearly an arm and a leg. But being so close to the mountains leave a pleasant feel.

Voices echo through the building. Crashes into my daydream, then I realize there are people everywhere in here. Almost suffocating me. The bustling becomes more and more as many come in as if they were lined up cattle.

The freedom of the outside world calls to me. This is just too many people in the area for me to bare.

              This body of mine, feels useless at times. My head aches, from the hours of walking. I am still broken from the accident a year and 7 months ago. My hips hurt and now are thumping. What have I become? An old lady perhaps. I guess now I can people watch. One of my favorite pass times!

Written 10/19/15

A disastrous feeling comes in. Greed slams against the door! Proclaiming that it is the right way. Why are we like that? Can’t we see that living should be more than just money?

       A town made of tourists, where the prices are higher to appease them. But that makes an issue with the locals. There penniless pockets end up now having holes. Oh, Lake Tahoe, you are a gorgeous place. But yet you have been turned into another thing that makes money. To take nature and destroy it by making it part of a business tactic. What a shame!

Written  10/25/15

I have made it to that mountain where I had 6 months of solitude. Over time, I had spent over a year and a half on this somewhat stranded home.

Being alone, you tend to have a lot of time to think and reflect on yourself. In that amount of time, it made me realize, I was a horrible person when it came to relationships. So much I need to improve on. But I forgave myself for my passed actions. Now I’m moving forward to never be that unemotional inconsiderate thing of deceit, lies, and one’s own selfish gains.DCIM100GOPRO

I want to never be that way. I’m glad I have realized it before it could end my new love life. Every one needs some time to reflect on them self. No person is perfect and corrections to help you fit in your own life, so you can feel good about yourself is never a bad thing.

Twisted

                                    Written in 2008

         Tears dripped down her already wet cheeks, splashing onto her now damp paper. The only noise in the room was the clock ticking with every tear. Her eyes finally became dry and puffy. Her heart felt a clenching ache. No one would ever see this, she thought as she tightly hugged her notebook. A deep breath came out if her unknowingly.
Denial is a powerful thing, echoed in her mind.

Nothing would be the same again. She no longer can stare in awe and have so much passion towards him. A piece of her has died inside.

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No one can ever get that close, not again. Her mind starts to disappear to the past, wondering if it could ever be, but the thought slammed her back into reality. Her wall of security would not allow that to happen. Her eyes travel the ceiling as she feels the  tears returning. She fights for control. No, she will not cry again. She is stronger than that. He heart has been trampled on before, so this should be easy to bare.

Lost in a Mirage

                                            Written in 2008

    At the beginning, I had a feeling the outcome would be bad, but I kept on riding this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy, maybe a little troublemaker. But nothing I couldn’t handle. Then everything went black…
My     life     
                   suddenly    spun
                                            out
                                        of my
hands
                           into his.
An evil grin spread over his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault. Even when, I had done nothing wrong!
Tears protruded from my eyes, leaving salty trails down my face. I must be a whore, since he says I am. For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for what I really was.
So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys. If he knew I had, those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. His body would soon radiate how furious he was, and my body would be cowering on the inside. Waiting for him to connect with my own form.
But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride.

image

Fights began happening daily, and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. So he tried to control me more. He tried to use drugs on me as my Achilles’  heel. But he soon found out, I’M NOT A DRUGGIE! I can say, NO!
He took a turn to constraint. He held me in place and forced me to eat pills and hits of acid.
A feeling of otherworldliness took over my body. I could look at my own self and see, I was broken. I didn’t look like my independent self anymore.

image

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language that’s never heard of. But my body responded and let this human like devil have a firm grip on me. Slowly my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts.
Me just being a good person, letting someone close, always seeing the good in people. I didn’t realize what was really happening. For being a caring human, I get stomped on and thrown into the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. I watched my own heart getting ripped out of my own chest, then crushed right before my tear filled eyes.
It is his fault I had to leave a place I finally felt accepted. His own selfish intentions left me penniless, used, and heartbroken.
But now I know, not to be so caring. I now am stronger. He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now I can take on the world. I am ready to step out of my hole once again. Now with new knowledge for the world!

Money, the Object of Evil

Snow erupts in the sky, and starts hitting the ground. It’s close to looking like that blinding fog that was 9 months ago when I had an almost fatal accident in Wyoming.
My adrenaline is pumping. I can feel it all over my body. As if it is playing a song with every hit it gives me.
We skid on the road about six or seven different times. And every time, my heart skips a beat. I steady my breathing once again. Good thing I have one of these handy dandy husbands to drive for me. I sure wouldn’t be able to handle this.

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The smell of money seeps into the air. By looks, it’s gorgeous, but only in the grasps of the rich. Everything here in Boulder, CO. Is expensive! Hipsters lurk around every corner.
I have gotten compliments on my raggedy skirt I made when I didn’t have any money fora new one.
I wonder how many have a blind eye to this. How you need to have a pocket full of cash here.
Traveling, seeing, and experiencing new places helps round a person. It will not destroy them and keep them hidden away in an enclosed box, to only think one way. I have traveled with pockets empty well maybe some dirt. Without the burden of money, I learned of another way of surviving. I met so many good people, and it was one of my best eye opening trips. But having my hubby as my road dog has been amazing. And with our little crew, two cats, and my dog, Clyde the Killer!
Forward for our new adventure!

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