Music through the Forest

The pounding of the music travels through out the forest. It devours nature with its beats. Probably over 500 people have come to hear the DJs. Many families are scattered in this family forest festival. The name is Forest Star Festival and it is in Sweden, the country that has 70% of its lands woods. 

The sound keeps Pilkington more in to let go of stress and live in the now. The thrumming beats don’t stop until 4am and begin again at 10am. It is like a roller coaster ride of sound!

Every day here has felt different. The time keeps slipping away so quickly out of my grasp. But it feels good. Smiles are given where ever you go. 

Many here have worked together to create this unity of people gathering for the music. Tents are sporadically spread through out the trees that seem to hold secrets. 

You can hear children giggling and laughing playing on the swings and ropes that is the playground. 

No cares in the world here. Many just sway to their own rhythm as they listen to the beats. 

Happiness, Peace, & Relaxation.

Forest Star Festival


Slithered in Evil

Written in 2008

At the beginning I had a feeling the outside would be bad. But I kept riding on this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy maybe a little troublemaker, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 
Then everything went black. My life suddenly spun out of  my hands into his. 

An Evil grin spread upon his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Tears streamed down from my eyes, leaving salty trails behind. ‘I must be a Whore!’ He says I am.

For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for how I am. So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys, because in my heart I knew those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. If he knew I had talked to boys, his body would soon radiate with how furious he was. My feelings would cower inside of me, waiting for his body to connect with my own. But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride. 

Fights began happening daily and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. He tried to control me even more, trying to use drugs as my achille’s heel. But he soon found out, ‘ I’M NOT A DRUGGIE!’ I can say NO! So he began forcing me to eat pills and hits of acid. 

A otherworldy feeling took over my body. I could look at my own self, and I looked broken. My independent self was lost, no where to be seen. 

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language never heard of. My body responded and let this human-like demon have a firm grip on me. 

Slowly, my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts. I was just being a good person, letting someone close that needed help. Always seeing the good in people instead of what was really happening. For being a Caring person, I get stomped on and thrown in the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. My own heart was ripped out of my chest, then crushed. Right before my tear filled eyes. 

It’s his fault I had to leave a place that I had finally felt accepted. His own selfish intensions left me penniless, used, and broken hearted. But now I know, not to be so caring. I am stronger now! He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now, I think I can take on the World. I am ready to step out of my hole once again.

Cherished Past

My most cherished memories would be my trip to Peru and Bolivia.
To be even more specific, it would be the day after the parade/festivities involving ink and foam, which was covering the streets.


My husband, who at the time, was just a friend came to the hostel to meet up with me. In Peru, we traveled together, but after two weeks, we went our own ways. While being in Bolivia, he came that way, and we met up a few times when I was traveling.
So he came to the hostel I was staying at, he couldn’t find what room I was in, because he didn’t recongize me. I was covered head to toe in purple and blue dye. The night before I was doused in ink, but since I was doing it back, it was expected.

Back to reality, my head pounded relentlessly. That Swedish boy coaxed me to go into the swimming pool, with a push. Then he jumped in after me and began scrubbing my ink infested body. About a half an hour passed, and I was clean as I could be. My head was still persistantly banging, and my energy was lost.
So we cuddled on my bed. I gave him my phone with a Thor game on it, his weakness, I found. Now at this time, he being a busy body, didn’t like staying in one place for a long time. But he did it this time.
As I had my head resting on his firm chest, I could hear his heart thump a steady beat. Then and there, I was washed over with a feeling of safety and comfort. Sleep soon took over me wiht the tune of his heart

Lost in a Mirage

                                            Written in 2008

    At the beginning, I had a feeling the outcome would be bad, but I kept on riding this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy, maybe a little troublemaker. But nothing I couldn’t handle. Then everything went black…
My     life     
                   suddenly    spun
                                        of my
                           into his.
An evil grin spread over his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault. Even when, I had done nothing wrong!
Tears protruded from my eyes, leaving salty trails down my face. I must be a whore, since he says I am. For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for what I really was.
So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys. If he knew I had, those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. His body would soon radiate how furious he was, and my body would be cowering on the inside. Waiting for him to connect with my own form.
But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride.


Fights began happening daily, and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. So he tried to control me more. He tried to use drugs on me as my Achilles’  heel. But he soon found out, I’M NOT A DRUGGIE! I can say, NO!
He took a turn to constraint. He held me in place and forced me to eat pills and hits of acid.
A feeling of otherworldliness took over my body. I could look at my own self and see, I was broken. I didn’t look like my independent self anymore.


Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language that’s never heard of. But my body responded and let this human like devil have a firm grip on me. Slowly my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts.
Me just being a good person, letting someone close, always seeing the good in people. I didn’t realize what was really happening. For being a caring human, I get stomped on and thrown into the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. I watched my own heart getting ripped out of my own chest, then crushed right before my tear filled eyes.
It is his fault I had to leave a place I finally felt accepted. His own selfish intentions left me penniless, used, and heartbroken.
But now I know, not to be so caring. I now am stronger. He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now I can take on the world. I am ready to step out of my hole once again. Now with new knowledge for the world!

Blundering Down

Memories of my past resurface as I sit next to my drunk father at a dive bar. Many times I had to drag him out of bars, and at 14 years old. I became a babysitter for that man once my license was in hand. What a chore, trying to bring that alcoholic man home. But don’t worry, I will drag you from your hiding spot. No hiding in the bathroom. Besides that bartender knows me oh so well.


The night life in Key West, FL., what a mess! So many people come to explore the oh so famous, Duval crawl. Wasted people go to bar after bar leaving the street a rampaging mess of drunkenness. In the end, you will be crawling!

Just another day awaiting for that sun to take me out! Who would of thought that I have new issues as we travel to new climates? I guess I figured, but I was in denial mode. I keep that in my back pocket on the regular. I like to forget that I’m a bit broken. Now off to our mighty pirate ship! Tharrr be booty!

Dream Come True?

Everything feels as if it has been put on a halt. Sadly, this trip maybe coming to an end. Money has become sparse. Crumbling within my grasp. I’m losing my hold, I can’t pull it back!

I may have misplaced my mind. What to do… Where to look… I bid adieu to you! Have a great life mind.

I have been chosen with six others to be thrown into a reality show. My back story, well I’m a professional sweeper. I didn’t want the director to know the truth. I watch properties, usually with a gun on my hip, and a knife on my boot. Besides me, there was a young teenage girl, two boys in their 20s, a little pudgier gal about 18, and an older mid 30s guy.


The trip started on a ferry in a swamp. New Orleans, Louisiana is where the craziness begins. My heart beats with such excitement, a new adventure! None of us knew what this trip held in front of us though.
It was a sad goodbye kiss to my hubby, but he was allowed to visit. Or so I was told…
Now this director, something seemed a bit off about him. I thought maybe I was just imaging things.
We finally make it to our destination, an old run down mansion. I briskly move toward the girls.
” Do you know what this is about? Why this place.”
” I don’t know. I’m feeling weird about this.” Replied the pudgy girl quickly.
A glint in the director’s eye gives me the creeps. Chills start running up my back. Those piercing eyes landed on me, one of the 20 year old boys, and then on the 30 year old guy.
” I need you three to grab some things from from the basement for everyone. ” He said with a hidden smirk. ” Please follow me.”


Suspicion worms its way into my head, but after all, we are the guests to his place. The three of us follow him with uncertainty down a grimy cobwebbed staircase. The stone steps made it colder down here. It felt as if we were going to a different world. An eery feeling crept onto my skin as we got closer to the bottom. Once we reached the end of the stairs, somehow he managed to be at the top. As if he had never left that spot. ” See you tomorrow! ” he said wickedly, then slammed the door. My heart immediately started hammering. One dim light was the only light left in the clammy room. The shadows that were on the walls begin to grow. They start changing shapes as if they are alive. The older man starts panicking. He frantically runs up the stairs, misses a step and his glasses go flying. His breathing quickens while his hands search the ground. Sweat starts dripping off of him, luckily he finally found them. His frenzy ends at the top, where he grabs the door handle turning it down times. No luck, we are definitely trapped. He ended up coming back down and then started pacing back and forth.
Suddenly,  two figures popped out of the shadows. Their faces were sunken in. It looked as if they were cloaked skeletons. They came at us! They cornered the man with glasses. A screech came from his mouth as they grabbed him. I watch, horrified as his essence floated to their open mouths.
More started piping out of the dark. Adrenaline courses through my veins. I look around and see a loose busted up board. I run for it, grab it, and hit one of them behind me. I’m able to block another, but more keep coming! I’m overwhelmed! I can’t see anything anymore!
I sit up, out of breath, perspiration drips off my brow. My heart is still beating so hard. What a dream!

Madness will come…

                                             December 7th
Oh, the people. So laid back and friendly. When I think of Texas, I think of guns, cowboys, and craziness! But this visit to Austin has been tremendously nice!


Oh wait! I spoke to soon! Once we left that wondrous place, the bog vehicles started sticking out. 1out of every 50 was not a guzzling gas hog. I wouldn’t have thought of Texas having small lil’ole german towns, but there’s at least three. A parade involving a blown up beer bottle with lights on it, is almost as hick as you can get. It also involved tractors blazing with colors, and a train of jeeps.


The music erupts the streets. Each bar has a different band playing. Silence is hard to come by on these streets of New Orleans.
Now I should have kept giving up on that dang alcohol. That deviant stuff! The next day I awoke without a dog and without a husband. Just the two cats and I, in the van. A panic overwhelmed me. I couldn’t remember the night before! Let alone know how I made it back here. Finally in a frantic panic of repeatedly calling my man, he answered. I became stunned once he had told me what I had done. My bitchy side came out on him with full force. He ended venturing to a park and sleeping there with my dog. It was over me being just ridiculous, I pushed him away, for nothing. At least he has forgiven me, this is someone worth holding onto. The rest of this roller coaster ride, I will be working on making up to him.


To the Sun Studio, where the famed used to roam. I can almost picture it, seeing Johnny Cash being driven down the street. Having his limo rampaged by fans. Chaos everywhere, and the screaming, almost too much to bare!

The history of human skulls captivates me. Their sunken eye sockets pull me into another world. The past comes alive! Not so many feelings cross the brain. It is just left with physical needs. My head jolts back to reality. I’m standing in a museum, a bit dazed. The sights begin with dinosaurs, then to human progression and culture. Many extinct animals were brought up and explored for more knowledge.
I’m left in awe and wonderment. The science of it all, leaves me a gasp.


On the Road Again…

The quickness on getting out of here has begun. A recreational trip to the beauty forgotten by many.
Surrounded by people will dwindle and come back sporadically with every new town and city.
22 states in 3 months with 2 cats, 1 dog, and 2 humans. All crammed in a van, what a treat!


Pieces of the puzzle are now finally aligning. It will soon be finalized. Follow the lines that are left in the shadows to find the greatest surprise.
Now we are definitely testing the waters. If this tie can handle it, a trip like this. Nothing we come across will be able to break it! Our strength will prosper!

Don’t Drink the Poison!

Arkansas, what an unusual place. But I have been there many times. I have family there, and my closest cousins as well.
Once we made it to Arkansas, it was around me and my cousin’s mutual birthday! But he’s two years younger than me. Still not old enough for the bar. Off we went to the craziness ahead.
I almost got gang raped, but luckily my aunt talked my boy toy into rescuing me. Yet another reason it is good I gave up the poisonous addiction of alcohol.
Onward to New Mexico, where we stayed on top of a mountain for a week at my sister’s friends. It was nice but as time passed, the trip spiraled downhill. It was my sister’s way or the highway. We stopped at places she wanted to, as long as she wanted to. But when it came to someone else’s thoughts on staying somewhere, it went unnoticed.
I resisted my urge on escaping her controlling ways. In Oregon, where the sand dunes are great and almighty. My sister and the scumbag were sleeping, boy toy was driving, and I was in the passenger side. Out of nowhere, smoke started billowing to the back, waking them, “Smoke! Smoke!”
We abruptly stopped in the small town on the bridge. The bus ignited. My dog was confused by the chaos. So he ran back into the fire infested vehicle. In an instant, boy toy jumped into the bus after him, and threw him out.
This town has some kind of law, when something out of the ordinary happens, they take care of the people. So, we got to spend the night in a hotel suite. It had a kitchen, two bathrooms, and two bedrooms. Four people and three dogs, it was great! The fireman chief’s wife the next day gave us a ride an hour away to get a rental.

We had that for forty five minutes and it got a flat! What luck we have!
I lasted until the end of the rainbow gathering in Washington. Which I only went so I knew how it was. And it was how I expected. The environment was trampled all over, and litter was sprawled out. Not all of the kitchens cared about being sanitary. I ended up getting sick. Oh, new age hippies, disgusting. Thus, my hitch hiking adventures with boy toy began!

Lost in the Past

I was looking through my things the other day, and stumble upon this.



   Love…  Have I ever been in love? I mean really? Or am I just trying to convince myself the whole time. I don’t really know. But I do remember the way I felt when he called me. It was like my voice would get caught in my throat. The feeling of being twitterpated (Disney’s Bambi)! At times I thought I was going crazy, like nothing would in my life would work if he wasn’t there. It hit me out of nowhere. I was around 15, and he was around 17. But now we are on separate roads. Being deported from a country can do that…
At first, I was physically attracted to him. I wanted him! But he was a punk and a friend, and I know how they are. So I didn’t give in right away. I played it off like he was just another guy trying to get with me. He had a grundgy band play in his basement and all our friends were there, partying.
Now I had an itch deep within me that came out so strong  I could not do anything about it, but let it take control. So I brought a boy with me for just that. I have always wondered about my sexual addiction. The second person that I technically had sex with, raped me. Maybe that is what made it start. But I have found out on my father’s side, him, my step sister, and step brother, seem to have the same sexual appetite.
Anyway, at this time of my life, I had only had sex with two people, one which was forced.
That tingly feeling came so the boy I brought, I snuck him in the bathroom with me. We stood in the shower, my lips found his while his hands explored my body. He fingered me for a while, then banging was heard from the door. ” Stay here. I will come get you.”
My heart was hammering as this stranger entered to pee. Once he was done and I thought the ghost was clear, I exited and met up with my little boy toy, who was waiting for me. But someone saw me come out of the bathroom and knew something happened. The jig was up! Heat spread through out my body with the news. I loved it! But knowing he might find out what I had done at his home worried me.
Many times I have tried not to give in to the need. Sometimes it pulls fiercely, other times I can control it. But when it does come so harshly, it makes my whole body ache. I become one huge pulse. A fire from the inside starts devouring me, getting bigger and bigger! I can’t extinguish it, it has gone too far! Please help! I will yell in my head, but my actions, my body is asking for something else.
I wish I could be normal, or what I think normal should be. But it has molded into me, made me who I am now.


                                       September 2012
I thought that recently I was in love, bit now I’m not so sure. I think I was at the beginning, when everything was new, fresh, and fun. I just didn’t want it to end.
A year has passed, and I feel so far away, and I don’t think he even notices. It’s like a rabbit slowly being stalked by a wolf. You can sense something but you’re not sure what. Sometimes I want to shake some sense into him, make things back into the way it use to be. Now all that is left is an empty black void, which keeps getting bigger and bigger! My mind screams, but nothing comes out of my mouth. Everything is silent. My emotions are now limited. It feels dull and colorless, I want that to stop. I feel like crying out of pity and sorrow for the diminished love. But yet, he is still here. Just now an empty shell, noticing nothing that surrounds him. It is the end, I can sense it, watching me, waiting to pounce.