The Gathering

The day had come for all of us to meet. Some were left with an anguish feeling through out their bodies. Others would bubbling with excitement. Of course there is no thanksgiving in Sweden but we had created something similar to bring the family together.

Once it began that anguish feeling subsided and was left with happiness. Laughs roared throughout the house and the smell of delicious food wafted in the air. Just like thanksgiving with much food and some same dishes.


Once the day ended, everyone left with a good feeling and a full belly!


The gathering is now a great day to keep in the calendar for the years to come.

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Where is my Mind?


My mind is at a loss. It is hiding in the past. My life feels as though it is spiraling out of my grasp. My reality feels like it is fading away. I need to step back, and refresh my brain. My life, my passion, and my ambition are still intact. I am happy, but my heart aches. I guess homesickness is hitting me. What a suffocating feeling. I must keep myself busy, I must find a new path to pursue. 


The road is not an easy one. But I am not alone. I can not forget that. I have my furry family here along with my man. With that thought, my mind eases. I cannot give up on myself! No one should give up on themselves.

The Vibration of Realization

I’m drenched in perspiration.  The thundering noise still echoes through my head. I still don’t know how I could react as I did, or even why. But it keeps replaying in my mind.


The choices that tumbled out to choose from were quickly snatched. My mind was racing, but I grabbed what I felt I was going to need. I have an inkling feeling of what the future holds. I will prevail.

My future begins to unravel in front of my eyes. It is as I thought, I will just have to stick with the choices I have made and my gut feeling. In that instant, the roar began. My whole body shook. The ground began to vibrate and many people started to panic. 

Without even thinking, I climbed a tree and spotted from a afar. A herd of buffalo came pounding toward us. Quickly I scanned the people.  It was decision time. I yelled down and told everyone to climb. The ones that could did. But a few older people were crippled and two children were struggling. 


Not much time was left. 

I climbed down with such force. I felt the urgency calling out within my body. The two kids were crying frantically. I grabbed the smaller one and ran to the tree beside me with people. There were open arms awaiting the child. I tossed the little girl to the couple and they held onto her as if they were her security blanket. 

The ground began to rattle even more. It was beginning to become hard to keep my balance. The little boy had followed me and I threw him onto my back.” Don’t let go! Hold tight!” I yelled over the thunderous pounding. I could see the herd now as i started grabbing the first branches. Just as I and the boy got out of reach, the buffalo came bolting through. A gust with tremendous force hit us with dust. My heart sank as I knew the 3 o,dear people didn’t make it. 

We waited until the dust had settled before moving. Once that happened, many began to climb down the trees. The boy hopped up onto my back again and we descended down the tree. He jumped off of me and sprinted towards his little sister. 

Blood was splattered everywhere. None of the older people that were left on the ground were moving, except one. An elderly woman held out her twitching hand. I ran over to her and took it in both of mine. Her body was bloodied and her intestines were sprawled out. 

There was no saving her and she knew it. My heart sunk. We both knew what had to be done. I grabbed the knife I chose earlier and held back my tears. “Do it.” She gurgled through her bloodied mouth.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered and sliced her throat as tears began to fall from my face. I dropped to my knees and sobbed.

You can’t save everyone…

A whirlwind for the Heart

That day felt surreal. I wasn’t fully there once it happened. I didn’t believe my eyes as it unfolded right in front of me! 

               The day was filled with rays of light and a warmth when it touched you. We met up with a friend and her kids at the lake. It was a nice day to relax at the lake surrounded by many colored trees. Once the sun began to descend, we started packing our things. My husband and I said our goodbyes and loaded up Clyde (my dog). We drove to our road, and as usual, we let Clyde out so he could sprint in front of us. After a few seconds, Clyde’s back legs locked up. His body was in midair and then fell to the ground. As I saw this, my whole body went into panic mode. Birk stopped the car and rushed to him. Clyde kept trying to come to us as he dragged his back legs behind his body. My husband picked him up and looked him over. I was already waiting in the back so I could be next to Clyde. But once he was in the back, he didn’t want to sit still. It was painful to watch him try to use his back legs. His balance was now non existent and he wasn’t listening when I tried to make him relax.


Birk called a vet and explained our situation. Clyde was put on house arrest with 24 hour watch. My eyes watched his every move. I stayed by his side a few days after that as well. 

When it had happened to him, it looked as though his rear legs detached from his hips. But overtime, it was beginning to get better. He must have had major cramps happen in his back legs that just were stuck in a stiff outstretched position. 


Since then, he now gets healthy organic ingredients put into his food. They help with aches, arthritis, and many other things. He has sprouted into a puppy again. You would have never known he went through that! His body is once again, fully functional. 

But that day, my whole world was at a stand still. I’m not oblivious to the fact that dog’s lives are shorter than a human’s. But to have someone by your side almost all the time for 11 years and this happens is devastating. He has travelled on boats, rvs, jet ski, cars, 4-wheelers, and planes with me. While I hitch hiked in America for around a year, he was by my side. Much of America we have seen together! We have seen 3 countries together now! My husband quickly grew fond of Clyde. Now the three of us and our two cats have ventured to many places.



Clyde is my animal soul mate, and he always will be! I had a protector when I was in sticky situations. He is more than a dog, he is part of my family. 

Stuck in Repetition 

More and more information is being found. I’m left speechless. This country is turning into a mini America. How can that be?! I thought it was a progressive place here with their sense of helping others without any underline goal. Here in Sweden they recycle nearly 100% of household waste. They have some of the best schools in the world. Also, gender equality is leaps and bounds better than many other countries.


But the more I’m learning, it is like here they are repeating what America has done in the past. You would think here they would learn from America’s mistakes and NOT follow in their footsteps! It seems any other way is lost to them. 

America with its shiny media blinding many from seeing what is really happening there. My heart breaks to see that it is like a replay button has been hit in this country. But I will not stand not sit for it to happen. Here, I feel my voice can be heard and won’t be muffled by corporations or anyone for that matter. My words may even hold some personal meaning to others. 

Everyone no matter race,gender, age, or sexuality, should stand together, no matter what! 

The Demonstration Unites us!

The day began with the sun shining. None of us thought to bring rain jackets to the demonstration in Göteborg, Sweden. But were we wrong! The four of us hopped on a train and in a half and hour, we made it to Göteborg! The 2nd biggest city in Sweden. 


As we get closer to the rally area, signs are beginning to be held up. People here are against NATO having a hold in Sweden. This would mean America could use Sweden’s military to their own discretion. Now this country, unlike America has had 300 years of peace.


As it starts, clouds begin to creep over the sun with an ominous look of trouble. A cold breeze sweeps across my skin. The air now feels like rain. Uh-oh. It didn’t even start out as sprinkles, it began to just downpour. Almost everyone surrounding us either pulls out an umbrella or rain jacket. Swedes, prepared for any weather. Here I thought we would be OK, being with two swedes and all. 


I feel cold to the bone. My clothes are now plastered to me. It feels as though I’m now walking through a swamp in my shoes. We walk with the parade to the next spot. Water sloshing in our shoes with every step. As we progress forward, we chant about keeping out of NATO. The echo of our voices throughout the street is all that is heard. 

It looks around 400 people came to stand in their belief. 

The whole thing was a peaceful protest, which I am grateful. Violence is especially not the answer when you are protesting against violence.


But what kept tugging at me is many here in this country don’t want NATO. But yet many don’t voice it or take a stand. Some of my Swedish friends explained it to me. That many are comfortable with life here. They haven’t had to fight for anything in a long time. So losing their peace is something they don’t realise could actually happen!

Granite National Park

Now this trip was in June, before all the fires that now have destroyed such a tranquil place.


Beauty took over the horizon as we drove closer. Mountains were taking over the view. Many had snowy tops. We make it through the gate, and our adventures begin! The sound of water could be heard and as we drove in deeper, the sound became thunderous. We pull over to find a jaw dropping view of a gigantic waterfall. It felt as though we have been transported through time. To the land that was untouched by man. 
It took us about two days to see as much as we could of the west and east glacier. One of he paths was closed due to a snow Avalanche. I guess here, that is usual around the end of May.


Our next obstacle would be making it to the Canadian side. Glacier-Waterton National Park. Once we drove up to the border, we had to check in.  The ranger asked if we had papers for certification of rabies for my parents dog. Whoops, nope. She looked at the tiny dog and said, “Well he’s not foaming from the mouth, you guys can go on ahead.” 

I was relieved she didn’t check our records. I had a DUI. 

On the Canadian side, the breathtaking beauty had intensified. First off, the roads were well paved. Not like the zig zag roller coaster drive in Montana. There was a historic hotel on top of a mountain that overlooked a lake. From a far, it looked as though it was from a fairy tale. This trip was filled with waterfalls and a peaceful atmosphere. 


It was the beginning of the sun setting and many animals sprang to life. High on a steep mountain, you could see mountain goats climbing. There were Rams that walked right passed us, and deer just pranced through the edge of a tourist town. In tall grass, we could see a moose far away laying down.


On our way out, my mother spotted something! Across the lake a brown bear was hunting for fish in the water. We pulled over to get a better look and another family was nice enough to let us take a closer look through their camera. It was amazing!


Whispers in my mind

What is this strange feeling. It is persistent, and feels as it is a weight holding me down. A choice has been made and there is no going back! 

Knowing that, it begins to suffocate me. My stomach starts to churn. One way ticket, no way out. 


Unless, I want to run… That is not what I want. I just have to endure this feeling. I must buckle up for the ride. It won’t always be joyful! 

A crumb of regret holds onto my shoulder, but I brush it off. None of that now. I have but one life, I can’t be in multiple places at the same time. The path has been chosen. My heart is committed. Now if only my head was in the game. A tickling voice ripples through my head. The wind begins to pick up. It starts pulling me, the feeling is awakened. I feel uncertain, after a couple of seconds, I shut it down. It needs to be patient. The road now calls to me. I whip around and slam the door on it all. For now, I will be happy. 

The travel bug has to sleep once again.

The Path that Never Ends

The spiraling staircase is creeping closer. 

It looks eerie, but I begin going up it anyway. 

                 I take some steps upward, the top feels like it can never be reached.

Panic grasps hold of me!

I start to run. Adrenaline pumps throughout me.

                       But this path is never ending. My heart is pounding, echoing in my ears.

                                          My breathing has become ragged. I’m feeling the pull of giving up.

            I look the other way, and see it is now as far away as the top. Desperation grabs on to me. I frantically stumble down the stairs.

                   But it is never ending!

I’m trapped! How do I get out of here!?

The words echo throughout the stairwell. It is the only sound left with me.

The Pain of the Weather

6/14/17

The weather has been pounding on my head profusely. Another day with High humidity in the air. This pulls at me, chipping off pieces of myself. It has been three years, but I still am having issues. South Dakota is not the place for my head. This crazy weather and drastic temperatures are not my friends. If only this could be harmonious in my brain. But seldon is anything easy. I guess that is a part of life. Since surviving the bad, I cherish life much more. Humans need the bad with the good to understand how to appreciate the good things.


Pushing forward is not going to work today. Every step I go on ward, I am pushed back twice as much! The pain becomes more threatening. I’m at a stand still. When will this weather clear up? Let me be free! I am barricaded inside this house. If I venture out, the pain finds me quickly. 

What a nightmare! This weather holds the pain a waiting me where ever I go!