The Traveling Sorrows

5/16/17

My patience are becoming limited. This time, a part leaves an empty hole in my heart filling with an ache of pain. Sorrow rampages inside trying to claw its way out. But I cannot give in. I have to enjoy my time back here. My friends and family are ecstatic about my arrival. Seems it is time for a road trip. Soon the journey will begin.

wpid-img_20140626_164946_318.jpg

But right now, I must say goodbye to this small town in California that I once called home. It has been nice savoring the high mountains covered with life.Trees are in every direction you look. A nice cool breeze whips through, leaving a bit of a chill in its place. But it is great when working outside. Almost everyday has been filled with work, which I’m happy for!
Hard work, that’s what I like. Bring on more!

But soon this will be just another memory and the book of life will carry on to another chapter.

Hayfork, California

Friends that I have found in this special town have left me with quirky memories that will never be forgotten, even with my memory loss! These I want to hold onto. Until the end calls upon my door. I’m not going down with out a fight!

Twisted

Written in 2008

Tears dripped down her already wet cheeks splashing on her now damp paper. The only noise in the room was the patient sound of the clock, ticking with every tear. Her eyes finally became dry and puffy, but her heart felt a clenching ache. No one would ever see this, she thought as she tightly hugged her notebook. A deep gasp came out of her with realisation. 

Denial is a powerful thing. She pondered on that thought. Nothing would be the same again. She can no longer stare in awe and have so much passion towards him. 

No one can ever get that close, not again. 

Her mind starts to wonder to the past. She thought, what if it could work? But the thought slammed her back to reality. Her stonewall of security will now be barricaded. No one is getting in.


Her eyes travel to the ceiling as she feels the tears returning. She fights for control. No she will not cry again. She is stronger than that. Her heart has been trampled on before. So this should be easy to bare. 

Slithered in Evil

Written in 2008


At the beginning I had a feeling the outside would be bad. But I kept riding on this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy maybe a little troublemaker, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 
Then everything went black. My life suddenly spun out of  my hands into his. 


An Evil grin spread upon his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Tears streamed down from my eyes, leaving salty trails behind. ‘I must be a Whore!’ He says I am.

For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for how I am. So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys, because in my heart I knew those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. If he knew I had talked to boys, his body would soon radiate with how furious he was. My feelings would cower inside of me, waiting for his body to connect with my own. But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride. 

Fights began happening daily and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. He tried to control me even more, trying to use drugs as my achille’s heel. But he soon found out, ‘ I’M NOT A DRUGGIE!’ I can say NO! So he began forcing me to eat pills and hits of acid. 

A otherworldy feeling took over my body. I could look at my own self, and I looked broken. My independent self was lost, no where to be seen. 

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language never heard of. My body responded and let this human-like demon have a firm grip on me. 

Slowly, my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts. I was just being a good person, letting someone close that needed help. Always seeing the good in people instead of what was really happening. For being a Caring person, I get stomped on and thrown in the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. My own heart was ripped out of my chest, then crushed. Right before my tear filled eyes. 

It’s his fault I had to leave a place that I had finally felt accepted. His own selfish intensions left me penniless, used, and broken hearted. But now I know, not to be so caring. I am stronger now! He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now, I think I can take on the World. I am ready to step out of my hole once again.

Hidden Tranquility

The smell of honey and tea wafted into my nostrils, before I even walked into the front door. A gypsy framed on the wall captired my eyes. Her sky blue eyes held a secret as she danced in the clouds. Underneath her, pyramids stood tall, some hidden in shadows. My feet moved inside the gypsy house without my knowledge. Only a few people relaxed inside this place of freedom. Chairs and couches were sprawled everywhere. A melody enchanted me, making my body want to sway. Next to me stood a long glass tube connected to a translucent glass bowl. It intrigued me, a hooka in a coffee shop, what a rarity. 


My eyes searched the room, taking in the opaque curtains that lightly covered lamps. Everything gave the room a feeling of peace and relaxation. A woman behind the counter held my gaze. She wore a black cloth over her hair. As she walked away, her walk seemed to have a sway to it. She fit in perfectly here.  The clock felt it stopped moving as I stayed here. 

Smells of sage and lavender danced in the air. Playing with my body and bringing it to a far away land. Pictures were sprawled everywhere on the walls. Many of naked women outstretched, striking a pose for the painter. Even the bathroom gave off the feeling of tranquility. Everything felt right here. No one had to bother with time. This place is about joy and happiness.

I will nerver forget this hideaway in Denver, Colorado.

The Forgotten Memory

The wretched truth keeps finding its way out. Escaping from its long forgotten box of solitude. First, a howl is heard. It echoes in the room. The sound is like a fowl stench etched in the air. I feel a dark pit begin to start in my stomach. The memories tumble back into my brain. They were forgotten for a reason! Now, they are back, permanently imbedded in my mind. The atmosphere has grown darker, now I have to deal with this never leaving dreadful past.
I must shrug it off, forgive myself, and move on. It is just another thing that has helped me become who I am today. Don’t stop fighting, stay true to yourself!

Forcing Ideas into Your Head

My world has been turned upside down. I’m at a loss for words. This feeling of confusion grabs a hold of my body. My vision beomes cloudy and now I’m standing in darkness. Nothing can be seen, it feels like hours, then I hear his voice calling out my name. His voice begins to hold panic. I start to run towards his sound. Urgency holds in his tone and gets louder as I get closer. I find a door and swing it open.

Immediately, I’m blinded by the light. I wake up coughing up something gooey and black. It quickly runs away. My vision clears and I’m on the floor with my husband hovering over me. His eyes are swollen with tears, and he grabs me for a hug. A sigh of relief escapes his lips. My memory is still foggy, what had happened?

I shake my head, trying to clear the mist of lost pieces. Then at that moment some of the memory floods back into my brain. I gasp as images play once again in my head. I remember seeing a black liquid thing form out of a big puddle in front of my eyes and trudges towards me. For some reason my body couldn’t move. It grabbed my face and opened my mouth. I was frozen with fear. It breathed some black thing inside of me. My eyes turned completely black for a second, and then went back to normal. The stiffness I felt, slowly left, and the monster thing treaded itself back to the puddle.

Snipets of images come across my mind. A little girl with black curls turning into gold curls. For a brief moment I see dead trees near a graveyard. Another image of the moon’s light shining down on the emptiness of a grassy field.

These pieces don’t add up. What does this mean?

newest-fotos-4334

Twitterpated

My heart doesn’t miss a beat, but it still aches. A different kind of ache. I long to be held by that love of mine. His warm breath on my neck brings chills to my body. My heart and loins start to react just from the thought of him. How long am I to wait? My body is beginning to go crazy.

Being apart has been good and bad. We have found our independence once again. But I also realize once again, that he is special to me. My thoughts throughout the days always ends up back at his door step. Wondering what he would do in this position or how he would react. 

Happiness spurts out when I see he is calling. Just hearing his voice helps ease the pain of being apart. 

I must be madly twitterpated with this one of a kind guy. 

Ours worked a bit differently though. It wasn’t at first sight but over time it grew. Slowly our walls began tumbling down. We both realized it, and once I knew this was love I had for him. I almost ran with fright. To have your guard down with someone, and not even flinching on the idea that now you’re vulnerable. That is scary!

And a New Beginning

 

 

The waves crash against the land. Over time, the limestone rocks transform into jagged pathways. A natural piece of artwork is left to stare at in awe. This place is streaming with tranquility.

 

Newest fotos 4345.jpg

Reality smashes into the dream world, becoming one. Cascading falls wash the city away, leaving a vast emptiness. Soon after, life begins there. Faster than the eyes could see. Now tall trees stand with lush green leaves swaying in the breeze. Birds chirp flying to and fro in the now enormous forest. The air smells better, and a stress that was unknown to me, left my side. A waterfall tumbles to life next to the forest. Fish begin to try and jump up the massive falls. A buzzing of bees takes over the sky and then disappear in the forest. Following in the bee’s path are flowers that burst out of the ground. All the colors of the rainbow are left on the outskirts of the forest.

Out of nowhere a brown bear appeared on top of the rocks where the falls begins. He tries catching the fish. Finally, he gets on in his mouth, and walks away happily to yet another forest that has been created.

 

newest-fotos-4342

A Dreary Town

A wintry haze creeps over the town, destroying spring in its cold hands. Happiness drifts out of people, leaving a dead look in their eyes. A day of the cold trying to grasp anyone in its hold.

snow

The town quiets, not much for movement. It has turned into a ghost town. The wind howls through the town, leaving a dusty path. The beginnings of a never lifting winter. Voices are left to a murmur. No one wants to break the silence. This weather is unheard of, and gives a dreary look on the horizon. What lays for their future?

Everyday now is left with dreariness. A girl starts to follow the dusty path as the others stay huddled together and many men scramble through the woods for fire wood. She takes one more glance at her friends in the pile of people, then walks away. The wind keeps making a trail which she follows, but the night is coming.

Her heart starts beating faster, but she doesn’t return. She wants to know why, why is this happening? Her fear is gulped down, and she slowly takes steps closer to the mountainous area.

The path was never there before, the wind has been dusting it free for vision to see.

She halts now realizing the path ends in an eerie pool of water. The water looks as though it is an endless hole with no ending. She closes her distance between the rocky pool of water. Now her heart is hammering as she leans over to look into the black water.

Her vision fogs, and then she is brought to memories. The past townspeople slaughtered many and stole their land. Screams echo in her head. Another memory takes over as if it was a mist.

One man from the town, tried to stand up for the innocent people. Many towns people backed him up and followed his ideas, but in an instant, the vision went to him being stabbed with a pitchfork. His death was the beginning of infortunate events for this town. Present day is ten years later after this man’s death.

Her vision blurs, and now she sees the town as it is now. People are beginning to die off from the cold. No one was prepared for this, but now everyone seems to be paying their debts.

She closes her eyes, tears swelling up.

You cannot rewrite the past…

Dancing with Pain

My head had its tussle with a car wreck. It happened two years ago, and to this day , I’m still healing. Forever broken, or for only a while longer? Hmm. . .

I will patiently await my future and what it holds for me. Lessons are held in so much you go through. I have more wisdom than what I had started with.  My path has been a rough one. Some days happened, where I didn’t recognize myself.  But here I am now, still alive.

That’s the first thing you must realize, you are the holder of your own future. Hold your ground, until you are ready for that first step. Humans can be strong!

My mind trails away, making an imaginary world to pass this healing process by. There are days where my squishy head will start booming through, letting me know, it’s in pain. Thanks for letting me know.

But nowadays, I have taken my healing process into my own hands. Now, the mending has begun. I start a new diet that stays away from processed, preservatives, pretty much anything, but fruits and vegetables. My head doesn’t pound as much! It almost has gone down to maybe once every couple of weeks! The Doctor told me, I would have issues with my back permenately. Well, I showed him. I can go to concerts now, and be able to last longer standing than before, until the pain comes. It is still just the beginning, but this is only after two weeks of the diet. What improvement! Plus, I have looked more into essential oils. Healing anidiotes that have been just in the backyard. Why don’t more people use oils or natural remedies we can make ourselves? It is cheaper, plus it actually helps the problem instead of covering it up. Don’t get me wrong, of course sometimes western medicine is needed. But so much has been clouded, that you can fix yourself.

oils

Lavender helps my back pain, while Frankincense helps with my head. I have also found out, many oils by different companies out there have been diluted to spread it out more. But this makes it not as strong. Doterra is where its at. Although growing it yourself is cheaper. You just need the knowledge to begin the helping journey. The gate has opened, I can see the light. I will conquer this trial and be on top once again!