The Gathering

The day had come for all of us to meet. Some were left with an anguish feeling through out their bodies. Others would bubbling with excitement. Of course there is no thanksgiving in Sweden but we had created something similar to bring the family together.

Once it began that anguish feeling subsided and was left with happiness. Laughs roared throughout the house and the smell of delicious food wafted in the air. Just like thanksgiving with much food and some same dishes.


Once the day ended, everyone left with a good feeling and a full belly!


The gathering is now a great day to keep in the calendar for the years to come.

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Where is my Mind?


My mind is at a loss. It is hiding in the past. My life feels as though it is spiraling out of my grasp. My reality feels like it is fading away. I need to step back, and refresh my brain. My life, my passion, and my ambition are still intact. I am happy, but my heart aches. I guess homesickness is hitting me. What a suffocating feeling. I must keep myself busy, I must find a new path to pursue. 


The road is not an easy one. But I am not alone. I can not forget that. I have my furry family here along with my man. With that thought, my mind eases. I cannot give up on myself! No one should give up on themselves.

The Vibration of Realization

I’m drenched in perspiration.  The thundering noise still echoes through my head. I still don’t know how I could react as I did, or even why. But it keeps replaying in my mind.


The choices that tumbled out to choose from were quickly snatched. My mind was racing, but I grabbed what I felt I was going to need. I have an inkling feeling of what the future holds. I will prevail.

My future begins to unravel in front of my eyes. It is as I thought, I will just have to stick with the choices I have made and my gut feeling. In that instant, the roar began. My whole body shook. The ground began to vibrate and many people started to panic. 

Without even thinking, I climbed a tree and spotted from a afar. A herd of buffalo came pounding toward us. Quickly I scanned the people.  It was decision time. I yelled down and told everyone to climb. The ones that could did. But a few older people were crippled and two children were struggling. 


Not much time was left. 

I climbed down with such force. I felt the urgency calling out within my body. The two kids were crying frantically. I grabbed the smaller one and ran to the tree beside me with people. There were open arms awaiting the child. I tossed the little girl to the couple and they held onto her as if they were her security blanket. 

The ground began to rattle even more. It was beginning to become hard to keep my balance. The little boy had followed me and I threw him onto my back.” Don’t let go! Hold tight!” I yelled over the thunderous pounding. I could see the herd now as i started grabbing the first branches. Just as I and the boy got out of reach, the buffalo came bolting through. A gust with tremendous force hit us with dust. My heart sank as I knew the 3 o,dear people didn’t make it. 

We waited until the dust had settled before moving. Once that happened, many began to climb down the trees. The boy hopped up onto my back again and we descended down the tree. He jumped off of me and sprinted towards his little sister. 

Blood was splattered everywhere. None of the older people that were left on the ground were moving, except one. An elderly woman held out her twitching hand. I ran over to her and took it in both of mine. Her body was bloodied and her intestines were sprawled out. 

There was no saving her and she knew it. My heart sunk. We both knew what had to be done. I grabbed the knife I chose earlier and held back my tears. “Do it.” She gurgled through her bloodied mouth.

“I’m sorry…” I whispered and sliced her throat as tears began to fall from my face. I dropped to my knees and sobbed.

You can’t save everyone…

A whirlwind for the Heart

That day felt surreal. I wasn’t fully there once it happened. I didn’t believe my eyes as it unfolded right in front of me! 

               The day was filled with rays of light and a warmth when it touched you. We met up with a friend and her kids at the lake. It was a nice day to relax at the lake surrounded by many colored trees. Once the sun began to descend, we started packing our things. My husband and I said our goodbyes and loaded up Clyde (my dog). We drove to our road, and as usual, we let Clyde out so he could sprint in front of us. After a few seconds, Clyde’s back legs locked up. His body was in midair and then fell to the ground. As I saw this, my whole body went into panic mode. Birk stopped the car and rushed to him. Clyde kept trying to come to us as he dragged his back legs behind his body. My husband picked him up and looked him over. I was already waiting in the back so I could be next to Clyde. But once he was in the back, he didn’t want to sit still. It was painful to watch him try to use his back legs. His balance was now non existent and he wasn’t listening when I tried to make him relax.


Birk called a vet and explained our situation. Clyde was put on house arrest with 24 hour watch. My eyes watched his every move. I stayed by his side a few days after that as well. 

When it had happened to him, it looked as though his rear legs detached from his hips. But overtime, it was beginning to get better. He must have had major cramps happen in his back legs that just were stuck in a stiff outstretched position. 


Since then, he now gets healthy organic ingredients put into his food. They help with aches, arthritis, and many other things. He has sprouted into a puppy again. You would have never known he went through that! His body is once again, fully functional. 

But that day, my whole world was at a stand still. I’m not oblivious to the fact that dog’s lives are shorter than a human’s. But to have someone by your side almost all the time for 11 years and this happens is devastating. He has travelled on boats, rvs, jet ski, cars, 4-wheelers, and planes with me. While I hitch hiked in America for around a year, he was by my side. Much of America we have seen together! We have seen 3 countries together now! My husband quickly grew fond of Clyde. Now the three of us and our two cats have ventured to many places.



Clyde is my animal soul mate, and he always will be! I had a protector when I was in sticky situations. He is more than a dog, he is part of my family. 

Stuck in Repetition 

More and more information is being found. I’m left speechless. This country is turning into a mini America. How can that be?! I thought it was a progressive place here with their sense of helping others without any underline goal. Here in Sweden they recycle nearly 100% of household waste. They have some of the best schools in the world. Also, gender equality is leaps and bounds better than many other countries.


But the more I’m learning, it is like here they are repeating what America has done in the past. You would think here they would learn from America’s mistakes and NOT follow in their footsteps! It seems any other way is lost to them. 

America with its shiny media blinding many from seeing what is really happening there. My heart breaks to see that it is like a replay button has been hit in this country. But I will not stand not sit for it to happen. Here, I feel my voice can be heard and won’t be muffled by corporations or anyone for that matter. My words may even hold some personal meaning to others. 

Everyone no matter race,gender, age, or sexuality, should stand together, no matter what! 

Whispers in my mind

What is this strange feeling. It is persistent, and feels as it is a weight holding me down. A choice has been made and there is no going back! 

Knowing that, it begins to suffocate me. My stomach starts to churn. One way ticket, no way out. 


Unless, I want to run… That is not what I want. I just have to endure this feeling. I must buckle up for the ride. It won’t always be joyful! 

A crumb of regret holds onto my shoulder, but I brush it off. None of that now. I have but one life, I can’t be in multiple places at the same time. The path has been chosen. My heart is committed. Now if only my head was in the game. A tickling voice ripples through my head. The wind begins to pick up. It starts pulling me, the feeling is awakened. I feel uncertain, after a couple of seconds, I shut it down. It needs to be patient. The road now calls to me. I whip around and slam the door on it all. For now, I will be happy. 

The travel bug has to sleep once again.

Granite Ghost Town Awaits

5/26/17

 

Dilapidated buildings were sprawled through out the woods. I can feel the history in the air. Granite Ghost Town lies 4 miles up a mountain in Montana.

travelatyourrisk

Drive up at your own risk! Zero maintenance roads ahead! My mom and I looked at each other once we read the sign. I was filled with excitement, but my mom was filled with worry. As our journey began, the road was becoming more narrow as we progressed. One side of the road clung to the mountain, the other side was a rugged cliff. Halfway up, the view to our side was spectacular! We could see the town sprawled out and the sunset beginning to take over the open sky. Once we made it to the top, many old buildings were left in pieces. But some with stood over the years, the building where the head honcho lived that took care of the town and one house that was owned by the last person to leave the town. She was an elderly lady that lived in this town for about 20 years alone!! Some of the parts of houses were becoming one with the trees in areas. The rest of the buildings lay in piles of rubble.

What a crazy place for a town! It is so high up in the mountain, plus this was in the days where vehicles were a new technology. But they created some machine that helped them bring down the rocks of silver and gold down where they could harvest it properly. The view left me in awe and the feeling here made me realize why so many would live in a place like this. Everything held tranquility in its grasps. I breathe in deeply and exhale, feeling a calmness.

view

Twisted

Written in 2008

Tears dripped down her already wet cheeks splashing on her now damp paper. The only noise in the room was the patient sound of the clock, ticking with every tear. Her eyes finally became dry and puffy, but her heart felt a clenching ache. No one would ever see this, she thought as she tightly hugged her notebook. A deep gasp came out of her with realisation. 

Denial is a powerful thing. She pondered on that thought. Nothing would be the same again. She can no longer stare in awe and have so much passion towards him. 

No one can ever get that close, not again. 

Her mind starts to wonder to the past. She thought, what if it could work? But the thought slammed her back to reality. Her stonewall of security will now be barricaded. No one is getting in.


Her eyes travel to the ceiling as she feels the tears returning. She fights for control. No she will not cry again. She is stronger than that. Her heart has been trampled on before. So this should be easy to bare. 

Breathless Beauty

This new place leaves me breathless. Trees stand tall sporadically placed throughout the eye’s view. They wave as if they are alive in a breeze. Our small traditional red house’s backyard is a forest that came out of a fairy tale. 


Every morning our family begins our walk of adventure through the enchanted forest. The path seems to change everytime we go on a walk, as if trying to catch us off guard. A beautiful melody is heard throughout the trees. The birds are also enjoying this mystical place. 

As we begin our journey, our ears pick up the sound of flowing water from a stream nearby. Thoughts trickled through my mind. They have told me stories of fairies, trolls, and gnomes. This must be their lands. The mystifying area of dreams. 

My two months here in Sweden has been moving so quickly. New obstacles, dreams, and it feels at times I have been thrown into a fantasy world. I must find the Ring!!

Slithered in Evil

Written in 2008


At the beginning I had a feeling the outside would be bad. But I kept riding on this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy maybe a little troublemaker, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 
Then everything went black. My life suddenly spun out of  my hands into his. 


An Evil grin spread upon his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Tears streamed down from my eyes, leaving salty trails behind. ‘I must be a Whore!’ He says I am.

For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for how I am. So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys, because in my heart I knew those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. If he knew I had talked to boys, his body would soon radiate with how furious he was. My feelings would cower inside of me, waiting for his body to connect with my own. But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride. 

Fights began happening daily and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. He tried to control me even more, trying to use drugs as my achille’s heel. But he soon found out, ‘ I’M NOT A DRUGGIE!’ I can say NO! So he began forcing me to eat pills and hits of acid. 

A otherworldy feeling took over my body. I could look at my own self, and I looked broken. My independent self was lost, no where to be seen. 

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language never heard of. My body responded and let this human-like demon have a firm grip on me. 

Slowly, my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts. I was just being a good person, letting someone close that needed help. Always seeing the good in people instead of what was really happening. For being a Caring person, I get stomped on and thrown in the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. My own heart was ripped out of my chest, then crushed. Right before my tear filled eyes. 

It’s his fault I had to leave a place that I had finally felt accepted. His own selfish intensions left me penniless, used, and broken hearted. But now I know, not to be so caring. I am stronger now! He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now, I think I can take on the World. I am ready to step out of my hole once again.