The Traveling Sorrows

5/16/17

My patience are becoming limited. This time, a part leaves an empty hole in my heart filling with an ache of pain. Sorrow rampages inside trying to claw its way out. But I cannot give in. I have to enjoy my time back here. My friends and family are ecstatic about my arrival. Seems it is time for a road trip. Soon the journey will begin.

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But right now, I must say goodbye to this small town in California that I once called home. It has been nice savoring the high mountains covered with life.Trees are in every direction you look. A nice cool breeze whips through, leaving a bit of a chill in its place. But it is great when working outside. Almost everyday has been filled with work, which I’m happy for!
Hard work, that’s what I like. Bring on more!

But soon this will be just another memory and the book of life will carry on to another chapter.

Hayfork, California

Friends that I have found in this special town have left me with quirky memories that will never be forgotten, even with my memory loss! These I want to hold onto. Until the end calls upon my door. I’m not going down with out a fight!

The bug of Travel

Another day in the Pines. Good Ole Hayfork, California. Where the sun shines brightly, almost unbearably so. The past few days the sun has been pounding down on me. But it only becomes a nuisance in the heat of the day. 


This town hasn’t changed much since the last time I was here. Many locals have warm and welcoming arms when I came into town. It makes me miss my days of living out here in the mountains. This small town was like the wild west. But nowadays, I stop just to visit. My body soon will begin to feel the itch to travel again. Soon I will travel other places in America before my journey goes back to my new home, Sweden.

The land of fairy tales and mystery. My backyard there is a forest that feels as though it is from a magical book. The time will soon come when I go back to that wonderful land.

Breathless Beauty

This new place leaves me breathless. Trees stand tall sporadically placed throughout the eye’s view. They wave as if they are alive in a breeze. Our small traditional red house’s backyard is a forest that came out of a fairy tale. 


Every morning our family begins our walk of adventure through the enchanted forest. The path seems to change everytime we go on a walk, as if trying to catch us off guard. A beautiful melody is heard throughout the trees. The birds are also enjoying this mystical place. 

As we begin our journey, our ears pick up the sound of flowing water from a stream nearby. Thoughts trickled through my mind. They have told me stories of fairies, trolls, and gnomes. This must be their lands. The mystifying area of dreams. 

My two months here in Sweden has been moving so quickly. New obstacles, dreams, and it feels at times I have been thrown into a fantasy world. I must find the Ring!!

Slithered in Evil

Written in 2008


At the beginning I had a feeling the outside would be bad. But I kept riding on this roller coaster. He came across as a nice guy maybe a little troublemaker, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 
Then everything went black. My life suddenly spun out of  my hands into his. 


An Evil grin spread upon his face as his eyes narrowed to slits. He started spatting venomous words at me. My heart dropped, and I kept feeling like it was my fault when I had done nothing wrong. Tears streamed down from my eyes, leaving salty trails behind. ‘I must be a Whore!’ He says I am.

For some reason, I believed his hateful words. I felt he was the only one who would accept me for how I am. So I never left. We were together everyday. No longer could I talk to my friends that were guys, because in my heart I knew those ghastly words would come out of his poisonous mouth. If he knew I had talked to boys, his body would soon radiate with how furious he was. My feelings would cower inside of me, waiting for his body to connect with my own. But I would never show him my fear, he could never break my pride. 

Fights began happening daily and he soon realized his grip on me was becoming loose. He tried to control me even more, trying to use drugs as my achille’s heel. But he soon found out, ‘ I’M NOT A DRUGGIE!’ I can say NO! So he began forcing me to eat pills and hits of acid. 

A otherworldy feeling took over my body. I could look at my own self, and I looked broken. My independent self was lost, no where to be seen. 

Something dark and menacing hovered over my body, whispering in a language never heard of. My body responded and let this human-like demon have a firm grip on me. 

Slowly, my eyes began to open again. I now realized some people do not have any good left in their hearts. I was just being a good person, letting someone close that needed help. Always seeing the good in people instead of what was really happening. For being a Caring person, I get stomped on and thrown in the dirt. I kept giving, even when I had nothing to give. My own heart was ripped out of my chest, then crushed. Right before my tear filled eyes. 

It’s his fault I had to leave a place that I had finally felt accepted. His own selfish intensions left me penniless, used, and broken hearted. But now I know, not to be so caring. I am stronger now! He pushed my mental capacity to its fullest. Now, I think I can take on the World. I am ready to step out of my hole once again.

Live to the Fullest!

Life keeps plunging forward as if it was a never ending tide crashing on the beach. The moon lights up the beach, making the waves glint with secrets and mystery. 
Many pass everyday, never knowing how beautiful each day holds. A simple breeze can be delicate, the clouds can hold joy. But yet people go on with their own lives,never taking the chance to enjoy what surrounds them. 


Some wonder why their life is so Boring. All they need to do is open their blinded eyes and see the World in a different light.


Hidden Tranquility

The smell of honey and tea wafted into my nostrils, before I even walked into the front door. A gypsy framed on the wall captired my eyes. Her sky blue eyes held a secret as she danced in the clouds. Underneath her, pyramids stood tall, some hidden in shadows. My feet moved inside the gypsy house without my knowledge. Only a few people relaxed inside this place of freedom. Chairs and couches were sprawled everywhere. A melody enchanted me, making my body want to sway. Next to me stood a long glass tube connected to a translucent glass bowl. It intrigued me, a hooka in a coffee shop, what a rarity. 


My eyes searched the room, taking in the opaque curtains that lightly covered lamps. Everything gave the room a feeling of peace and relaxation. A woman behind the counter held my gaze. She wore a black cloth over her hair. As she walked away, her walk seemed to have a sway to it. She fit in perfectly here.  The clock felt it stopped moving as I stayed here. 

Smells of sage and lavender danced in the air. Playing with my body and bringing it to a far away land. Pictures were sprawled everywhere on the walls. Many of naked women outstretched, striking a pose for the painter. Even the bathroom gave off the feeling of tranquility. Everything felt right here. No one had to bother with time. This place is about joy and happiness.

I will nerver forget this hideaway in Denver, Colorado.

Walking Disaster!

Two and a half weeks have passed since I have started my new life in Sweden. The language some days, leaves Me frustrated, but I still push on to learn it. Many days have involved being in the forests. 


In the distance, you can hear the chainsaw roar to life as we begin our clean up. It started out just two trees. But as a few days passed with doing this. It became about twenty trees. My body was beginning to ache from dragging the branches to multiple burn piles. 

The cold was’nt clinging onto me anymore. Heat was now radiating off of me. Time for the hat to go. There was only a little bit of snow on the ground, but the temperature kept it there. 

Today, I called the shots to have a relaxed day. My other half still stays busy outside chopping logs or cutting trees. But now I have time to write and study Swedish. Before he disappeared to the forest, he askes if I would do the dishes.

About 5-10 minutes pass and I’m in the kitchen working on my task. I grab a dish thinking it belongs in the top cupboards. I open them, and realize it must live in a bottom cupboard. So I kneel down and put it away. With such force, I slammed into the corner of a top cupboard. So much that it closed itself. I dropped to my knees immediately and grabbed my head. The pain shattered my thoughts. I began deep breaths and started calming. Once I pulled my hand away, it was covered in blood. Shit, I thought. With an aching beginning, i walked outside. 

Birk could’nt hear my yelling with his earphones and working with a chainsaw. But once he saw me, his face became serious. Blood now dripped down my face. In just a tank top, underwear, and boots, I looked as if I should be in a horror film.

He rushed me back inside and sternly got me to sit down. It was a small puncture, now going to be my 3rd scar since moving here. 

It seems I’m a walking accident. One day, maybe I will be able to do the dishes without any blood getting involved.

March for Women

 

Saturday, 1/21/17

The day began warmer than I had expected. It was the beginning of the march for women. I soon became surrounded by all kinds of people. The majority were women, but there also was children, and many people with signs supporting races, genders, gays, and equality for everyone.  Signs could be seen from every direction you look. It turned into a huge crowd with colors of the rainbow surrounding us. I came here with my husband, friend, and her little girl. We thought it would be a good eye opener for her little one to see that many are here fighting for women’s rights, and equality for everybody.

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A speaker began, and a boisterous uproar a happiness started. It was such a booming sound that uplifted my heart. This made me proud to be from here, Sioux Falls, SD. We are also taking a stand against this possible backtrack in time to where women weren’t even allowed to vote.

Come to find out, this was a stand that was taken worldwide! About half a million had made it to Washington D.C. to support women. Almost every major city in the U.S. had taken a stand. Even in France, Sweden, and many other countries stood up for these rights that may be taken from our grasps. I had even seen photos of people taking a stand in Antarctica!

World News of March for Women

I hope this goes noticed and helps our rights not be taken! Women need health care, we need more women in the government system to back us up!! Everyone needs to take a stand and not let this go unnoticed! It is time to act and not be silent! We need to be heard!

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London, England

 

The Battle up Yosemite Trail

We are surrounded by steep steps that keep climbing higher and higher. Before the hike began, we discussed in only doing the lower Yosemite fall trail.

Once the hike started, I was doing fine. But the more we climbed, the more a pounding began in my head. Trying to keep up with Clyde (my dog) and my husband was turning into a bad idea. All I could feel was the thumping in my head. I had to stop.

My husband gazes back at me, “Go on, I’m going to have to take some time.” I say to him. He finally reluctantly leaves me behind. I would get there on my own time.

Time had passed, so I began once again. But soon, I had to rest again, and again. My body could do it, but my head, my head was not having it! Every time I stopped, it was because the pain was roaring inside my brain.

It has been almost three years since I have even been able to do this much with hiking.

I was in a 7 car pile up back then. I am lucky to be able to walk at all. wpid-resizedimage951398972055556.jpgThe pain now is nothing compared to the pain I had back then. But I’m still nothing like how I used to be. Physiologically, this puts a toll on you over time. Especially when you have been trying to get better, even when it has gotten tough. But Never Give Up!

 

A few times I almost gave up, but I reassured myself that I could do it. I began a chant inside my head, ‘slow and steady wins the race.’

The trail was frequented often. Many people were going up and down in herds, but it dwindled down the higher I got. Keeping up with some of the groups helped my morale. ‘I am not totally broken! Look I’m at their speed!’

Finally, an opening emerges. I have made it to the lower falls! It was breathtaking! The waterfalls tumbles down, giving off a cold mist. Trees were on the opposite side of the dsc_0148panoramic view. I take in a deep breath. The air feels nice here, calm. But I realize, no man of mine, or dog. I must push on, to the end. After I rested a bit, I began the rocky trail to the top of the falls. After a while of trudging upward, every step was beginning to make a booming pound in my entire head. It felt as though it was growing from the inside with every thrum of pain.

When it was needed, and I could bare it no longer, I rested. And started the journey all over from where ever I stopped. Some of the people I passed helped me stay optimistic, “You’re about halfway!”

“Take your time, it will still be there for you to see!”

This trip was beginning to feel like an eternity! Finally, I was about 20-30 minutes from the top. I stopped to take a rest. As I was working on catching my breath, I caught a glimpse of my hubby in his green jacket with Clyde at his side walking towards me. My body was filled with relief and happiness. I have made it to my prize! Although, I was suppose to make it to them. He had come back down to see if I needed help. Being so close to the top, I couldn’t stop now.So I kept pushing. We went to the top together this time. The upper falls was spectacular! It was like being in a place untouched by man. In the distance, you could see trees spread out on mountains.

This rough terrain trail was 9 ½ miles to the top and back to the bottom.

We did it!

Unidentified Madness

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We wanted to go out with a bang, but this was an unexpected turn of events. Once we arrived to Oakland, California to visit a friend, our adventures started with a cemetery overlooking the city. Huge tombs were sprawled out on the hill. Some had pyramids, huge pillars, and your traditional tombstones. But there were many that were the size of a room that were filled with families.

I was permeated with curiosity, so I began looking into a window. At first, it looked as if someone had been trapped inside the grave room. Holes were left in the glass. Then it dawned on us, grave robbers. Damn! The glass must be shatter proofed. I peeked into another window, and there lied death. How fitting, a squirrel died in a tomb already meant for that. Realization hit me as I stared down at the lifeless body. These all were filled with that, bodies.

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Onward, to the next agenda, rope bondage class. The beginnings of it felt like a class that could be taken in school. We learned the history, what kind of rope to use, and how to take care of it. It was filled with much information in such a short time.

Then the fun began, tying each other up. Couples were scattered on foamy mats awaiting instruction. We used the hemp rope and worked on a few basic ties.

Once the class was completed, it was time to watch the professionals play.

They had such fluid movements together. It was sexy, no doubt, but its beauty was overpowering. The eyes became transfixed onto the two, never wavering. It was as if you were watching a dance with their motions, and the energy exploded throughout the air. It is definitely an art form that has been lost to many. This intrigued me! I was left in amazement!

 

My husband and I now waited at the San Francisco subway station to get back to Oakland. We were just minding our own business, and out of nowhere, a guy came up behind me and punched my man in the face. He dropped to the ground, and instantly I jumped on the guy yelling in fury, “What’s fucking wrong with you?!” The guy just stood there staring down at my husband. In a blur, I got off and my husband was up. Many local San. Fran. People helped disperse this fight. I was a bit surprised. My adrenaline was pumping rapidly and once we were apart, I realized I had drawn my knife. I was ready. But the locals helped ease the tension.

The guy stared at my man from a far, unflinching with an intense stare. I looked back at him with hate in my eyes. But his eyes never left my husband. The strange man never said a word the whole time. His white polo shirt and pants looked clean, he didn’t look dirty in the least. So we came to the conclusion that he must have been on drugs.

 

It reminded me of Fightclub, when the main character wanted to destroy something beautiful. My husband became that kind of target.